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https://magicseaweed.com/User/Profile/1566623/ http://shaboxes.com/author/okcupid/ https://www.inventive9.com/seo-audit/domain/loveawake.com https://okcupid.substack.com/p/are-you-neutering-your-man https://okcupid.substack.com/p/get-ready-get-setmidlife-dating http://beauhorn.com/forums/users/eharmony/ https://business.howardchamber.com/list/member/loveawake-30919 https://www.bristolchamber.com/list/member/loveawake-11338 https://www.oldsaybrookchamber.com/list/member/loveawake-3229 http://www.parkerchamber.com/list/member/loveawake-16091 http://www.stoughtonwi.com/list/member/loveawake-21530 https://nocchamber-gzcms.preview.gochambermaster.com/list/member/loveawake-nm-24800 https://www.edisonchamber.com/list/member/loveawake-nm-6764 https://www.halifaxchamber.net/list/member/loveawake-nm-2238 http://www.banderatex.com/list/member/loveawake-nm-744 http://www.chillicothemo.com/list/member/loveawake-nm-1533 https://www.summerlandchamber.com/list/member/loveawake-nm-2240 http://www.hackensackchamber.com/list/member/loveawake-nm-121 https://www.burlington-chamber.com/list/member/loveawake-nm-2165 http://www.marysvilletulalipchamber.com/list/member/loveawake-nm-7600 http://www.carlsbadchamber.com/list/member/loveawake-nm-3151 http://business.greaterbentonville.com/list/member/loveawake-nm-9011 https://business.amherstarea.com/list/member/loveawake-nm-4765 https://tools.frankfortchamber.com/list/member/loveawake-nm-17861 http://www.visitbaker.com/list/member/loveawake-nm-3662 https://members.denisontexas.us/list/member/loveawake-nm-5062 https://www.springgreen.com/list/member/loveawake-nm-392 https://www.beavercreekchamber.org/list/member/loveawake-nm-11897 https://www.losaltoschamber.org/list/member/loveawake-nm-10785 https://www.kylechamber.org/list/member/loveawake-nm-6785 https://business.portaransas.org/list/member/loveawake-nm-8206 In the cases where you sincerely want the answer to this question, you are kind of screwed. In those cases, don't ask your boyfriend. It's better to go to a girlfriend for this stuff. How can he tell when it's a real question and when it's a cry for reassurance? Sometimes you might not even know. Have I talked about torture yet? Do not torture yourself in the name of a relationship. Forms of torture in which you shall not indulge include: waiting for phone calls, stewing about problems instead of talking, thinking too much. This plays out with other compliments as well. The compliments that we receive from a friend or boyfriend that we don't believe make us mistrust the person. We like the compliments that resonate with our sense of self. Perhaps the super-confident among us are able to accept compliments that take us beyond or normal view of ourselves. Maybe others can see things about ourselves that we can't see. I don't think I can say it enough: don't torture yourself. This goes along with all of what I've learned recently: don't try and get inside someone else's head and don't try and control things that are out of your control. It would be nice if we knew what was going to happen but it would also be boring. An important (unoriginal) thought: nothing lasts. Someone dies first. The point is that you can't control things, force things and that it's important to keep things in perspective. It doesn't mean don't love someone or make them part of your life. It doesn't even mean you shouldn't make sacrifices. Part of loving someone means making sacrifices and not minding. It means doing things that you might not like doing (like going to funerals or meeting long-lost relatives). It does not mean torturing yourself. Wouldn't it be good if we could accept all of these compliments? Sure, sometimes it's malarkey, but why not believe that you deserve to be liked for all kinds of reasons--reasons beyond what you know about yourself? Why feel worse when you can feel better? Why not believe the best? You deserve it. Grateful for: getting better at giving compliments. P.S. The computer came home today (yes!). That means coffee shop blogging is on for this weekend. I was almost reconciled to the idea of not writing for the entire weekend, but I figured I might break out the pens and notebooks. I haven't decided yet, but I may go to every-other-day posting. I need to be busy, but I've been overwhelmed. I'm not stopping--not even close--I'll let you know when I figure it out. There are things you can do to calm yourself when struggling to start a relationship or when struggling in the midst of a relationship: you can list pros and cons, you can write letters and not send them, you can keep a journal/diary/blog, you can take a walk, you can listen to loud music, you can go to the movies. Still, there is only one question you need to answer: are you miserable most of the 01:25:34 If so, then there is a problem. A relationship is not going to fix your problems. If you are unhappy, a relationship won't make you happy. If a relationship doesn't leave you a bit better off than you were before then there is a problem. If you are anguished, sleep deprived and confused, it's time to make a change. That is to say: break up with him. As Princess has taught me, though, it's not always that easy to know when you are unhappy. One can get used to being unhappy and it can start to feel normal. If you have this tendency, you probably know it. It's dangerous and subtle. I can tell when I'm unhappy, at least after the initial euphoria wears off, and then I usually get out.
